Time to Get Off the Couch....

Wow, ever feel like the preacher is speaking soley to you and prepared his sermon just for you? That was me today. First off, I've been feeling pretty horrible the last 10 days at least - severe anxiety attacks - the moment the anxiety med wears off, instant cold sweat, rapid heart rate, shakes, feeling like I'm going to die...no joke. Seriously, getting up and getting everyone breakfast is all I can do. Having terrible insomnia, feeling so tired and weary but finding no solace because sleep doesn't arrive very often. Getting sidetracked....

Over the course of the last few months I have felt like I should go on the next mission trip our church is doing - to Kenya. Ok, I admit, I'm pampered, babied, have not lived a rough life really at all and missions have never really been "my thing". Everyone I know has gone on mission trips but I was just fine and dandy watching them go or hearing about their trips from the comforts of my "couch". So, the past week I have convinced myself I was not going to go to the information meeting at church tonight (Sunday) and I was going to blow off this mission trip. I had a million excuses as to why I wasn't going to do it. I mean come on, I did my good deed for the year, I showed up and fed people at The Ronald McDonald house. I gave 3 hours of my time.

So, at church on of my friends who is kinda on the "mission team" asked if I was going to the meeting. I said no and gave my list of excuses - I'm not cut out for it, the cost is too much, it's going to be too hard of work, sleeping conditions I'm sure were going to stink - I can't even sleep in my $2k mattress how could I possibly sleep in Africa? The flight is going to be long - on and on. Well, Rob - our minister - honest to goodness addressed everyone - every SPECIFIC one of the examples I had given to Barb before church. After the sermon as we were going to communion I saw Barb in line and said "I guess I'm going to be at the meeting tonight after all". lol

There are many reasons to stay on the couch and fast forward the yucky parts on to someone else - and we each have our own couch that is holding us back. I sure the heck hope that the reason for the panic attacks and depressive state I'm feeling is attacks from the enemy (Satan) trying to hold me back. I don't get real preachy or spiritual on my blog, heck, I'm not too spiritual in my day to day life - I fall so short of the standards I set for myself. But, eventually, you just have to trust God and make the leap I guess...